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Last night I finished Elizabeth Flock's novel "Me & Emma."

This is the second Elizabeth Flock book that I have read and I'm sensing a deep psychological theme to her writing. Delving into corners of the mind intrigues me. And yet I find it upsetting and disturbing at times. Reading this novel was no different. In fact, the entire book ended up being very painful to read.

The "me" is Carrie Parker, she is an eight-year-old girl who does everything with her little sister Emma. Emma is six-years-old but acts much older at times. Both girls are very tough children. Not that they have ever had a choice. Robbers killed their dad when they were very young. After his death their Mom died in a sense, too. She sank into a deep depression which she denied to face. She stayed in her room, didn't cook or clean and when she did some out all she did was yell and hit her girls.

Their Mom remarried a man named Richard. If ever a demon lived on earth, I'd say he was this character.

**spoiler alert from here on out**

Richard was an abusive, alcoholic. He destroyed everything he touched and never had a nice word to say. When he was being sweet it was just to bait Carrie or Emma into doing something for him. Something evil. Something disgusting. Behind closed doors. I'm sure you are getting what I mean, right?

Carrie and Emma try to runaway at one point, but Richard finds them, drags them back home and chains them outside like dogs. Not only do they have to eat dog food, but the chains are so tight and get to hot it leaves burns around their neck. The abuse gets worse after they move out into the country when Richard gets a new job. But Carrie makes friends with Mr. Wilson, an old man who lives down the street a ways. He teaches her how to shoot a rifle. He says she will be able to protect herself and Emma with a gun if she knows how to use it and respect it.

Carrie and Emma stay away from home as much as they can as the beating grow worse and worse. Carrie's teachers at school ask about the marks on her arms and face, but she lies and says everything is okay.

One day Carrie comes home and their house is a mess. It looks as if everything is broken and torn apart. She calls for Emma and her Mom. Emma doesn't come, but she sees her Mom lying on the kitchen floor in a puddle of blood. Her Mom whispers to her and tells her to get out of the house. But before Carrie can run, Richard sees her and she screams for Emma. But Richard tells her that he has killed Emma.

The next thing we read is that Carrie hears a loud pop, she knows it is the sound of a gun. She sees that Richard has been shot and killed. She runs out of the house for help.

During the final chapters, police are questioning Carrie as she wakes up. It is at this point that we find out Emma never existed. Carrie made up Emma as a means of coping with having witnessed her dad being murdered and having been abused for years. Everyone had been playing along throughout the whole book because they didn't know what else to do and they thought Carrie would some day snap out of it. She didn't. So when Richard said he killed Emma...well...8-year-old Carrie found a rifle and she shot him.

I wish I could say the book ended in some kind of happy way, but it didn't. As Carrie and her Mom drive away at the end, Carrie begins to write in a notebook. She writes to Emma and says she is so glad that Emma has learned how to write.

Labels: abuse, depression, Elizabeth Flock

Written by:

| 1:28 PM | 2 comment(s)!

Not wanting to speak for everyone I will say that I have felt this way and I'm sure many other people have felt this way, too.

"But Inside I'm Screaming" by Elizabeth Flock

It's no secret that many people in the world suffer from overwhelming stress at some point in their life. Many people also suffer from severe anxiety and depression. There is no shame in that fact and no one should be judged negatively if they wall in one or all of those categories.

This book is about a reporter who suffered a nervous breakdown on the air. It was in that moment that she reached the very end of her rope. Perhaps she has been hanging from the thinnest shred of a thread on that rope for some time and it finally just snapped.

***spoiler alert***

Isabel tries to kill herself. After being released from the hospital she is admitted into a psychiatric facility called Three Breezes. She meets a lot of other people there are are all dealing with their own issues. While she is being treated there she learns how to cope better with the stress and anxiety in her life. She also begins to really see who she is and why she has been caught in the same destructive patterns for so long. She realizes she is constantly wanting love from her father, acceptance from her Mom and the approval of a man in her love life. Rather than being strong enough to steer her own life, she constantly gets herself involved with someone who makes all the choices for her. She has constantly tried to make everyone else feel better, most blaming herself for why they don't. And most of all she realizes that none of those things matter, what matters most is that she needs to love herself. SHE needs to love HERSELF. Everything else falls into place after that.

As Isabel begins to heal and blossom she also starts reaching out to other patients at the facility. One patient in specific is a child, Peter, who she feels a connection to because she sees herself as a child in him. The interaction between those two is very touching.

At times the book was very hard to read. Elizabeth Flock did not try to hide the grim and frightening details of mental illness and the road to recovery. Unfortunately, it all seemed very true and real to me and often times I felt like it was written about me...I am Isabel. The parallels were alarming. But maybe that is why it felt so good to get to the end and know that Isabel has a long way to go, but that she is going to be okay...as long as she keeps going and as long as she loves herself.

Labels: books, Elizabeth Flock, mental health

Written by:

| 9:23 AM | 0 comment(s)!