Tuesday, January 22, 2008
One question can change your life

A genie in a lap will normally grant you three wishes, though I have encountered stories in which the genie gives only one. The book I just read allowed for as many wishes as you might need. You just had to come up with the wishes by answering one question.

"Five Wishes: How Answering One Simple Question Can Make Your Dreams Come True" how is that for the longest title of a book ever!? When I originally bought this book it was for my cousin. She has a ton going on in her life and much of it I feel could be remedied if she would change her outlook. I thought this book might help her, but I doubt she has read it. Then I asked for it for Christmas, because it just kept nagging at me, I couldn't get the cover of the book off my mind. I don't know why, I just kept seeing it.

After reading it, I know now why it seemed so imperative that I read it. This book is one of the most profound I have ever read. It has a story in it, so don't feel it is completely "self help" but the insights in the stories are those that not only made 100% sense, but also could improve my own life if I practiced them.

In particular, there is a chapter in which the author is trying to figure out why he and his girlfriend (later wife) can never seem to stay happy for a long period of time. He begins to pay closer attention to their arguments and then he notices a pattern. He tells her about this pattern and she notices it, too. Together they come to the conclusion that they cause friction in their relationship almost purposefully. They will be happy for a period of time and then one tiny setback will cause a huge rift. The pattern was that every time things got really good they would assume things were "too good" and look for something to pick at. The author explains this happens because the person might subconsciously think they don't deserve long periods of happiness. Or that a human being just doesn't know how to cope with a long period of happiness so they seek out to find something sad to balance things. I know it seems crazy, but when I think about my own life I can see how that might be true.

You know the saying "she's only happy when she's sad?" Well, why would that be? A lot of people unfortunately look at happiness and say "It won't last, something bad is bound to happen." Well heck, with that outlook of course something bad will happen. Good grief. Yet this is how so many people act, including myself. You get what you give, you reap what you sow..yada yada. If you enjoy a period of happiness, only to confront those feelings with impending doom...aren't you just inviting sadness?

I'm not going to disclose more about the book or my thoughts on it. I think it is important for you to read it if any of this sounds interesting to you or could pertain to your life. I'm not saying I agreed with all of it, but it definitely got me thinking and I feel I'll be better for it.

Labels: , , ,

  • Written by:
    • | 7:46 AM | 1 comment(s)!
    Thursday, September 20, 2007
    Thursday Thirteen - Influential Books (and introduction)


    Christy invited me to join the book club. I thought the best way to introduce myself would be to share my thirteen books that had a profound influence on me.

    Thursday Thirteen #1

    1. Ulysses, Dubliners, Portrait - I love James Joyce. I love his arrogance and belief in himself. I love that he worked, raised four children and supported his partner. I probably wouldn't have liked him in person, but his work is amazing and his life is honorable. What else can you say about a person? And the books? They're amazing.

    2. Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien - I read this book for the first time when I was sick with scarlet fever for six weeks. As a young child, this book had a profound influence on me and my life. I learned about honor, friendship, trust and love.

    3. The Dark is Rising (series) by Susan Cooper - Another series I found as a child. I'm not sure what the call of this series was, or still is, but I love the simplicity of good vs. evil as depicted here.

    4. Earthsea by Ursala Le Guin - I was given these books when I was in high school but I didn't read them until I was a junior at UC Berkeley. I love the profound way that Ged deals with his "dark" and the lesson - we must confront what we fear, confront our dark, to be free of it.

    5. Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling and Mitford Series by Jan Karon - I found Jan Karon after the Columbine "incident". As a therapist, I was overwhelmed by my own reactions and needed to be available for other people's reactions. I needed to find a place where things make sense and are safe. That's Mitford. I found Harry Potter after 9/11 for similar reasons. At least the first four books are wonderful escapes.

    6. In the Electric Mist with the Confederate Dead by James Lee Burke - Have you read James Lee Burke? You owe it to yourself. He has a wonderful way of showing the struggle of life without ever giving into the despair. His characters are real, full blooded, passionate and very imperfect. I like this particular book because of the interactions between the Confederate captain and the main character. (Heaven's Prisoners is my second favorite and Black Cherry Blues is a wonderful book.)

    7. The Roads to Freedom by Jean Paul Satre - My father used to say that I was a "decent" person until I met Satre. (I wish I had met Satre.) This book series is about another imperfect person who tries to do the right thing and fails over and over again. Finally, he decides to be himself, do what is in his heart and soul and he is free. Beautifully written, these books changed me in a deep fundamental way.

    8. Happiness (tm) by Will Ferguson - The premise of this book is that an book editor pulls a manuscript out of the slush pile that is the true self help book. People truly lose weight, find inner peace, and achieve happiness. Now what? The book is very funny and profound, in it's own way. You'll laugh.

    9. Lives of the Mayfair Witches Series by Anne Rice - This series came out when I was first getting to know my husband. We read these books together. Although I cannot delineate it right at this moment, these books had a profound influence on our life.

    How about 3 Non-fiction books

    10. Ultrametabolism by Dr. Mark Hyman - Dr. Hyman believes that food is information and what we eat informs our body about the environment, our safety and the world through the food we eat. I know this is true for bees (I'm a beekeeper), so why wouldn't be true for us? He also believes what I know is true: Losing weight is more complicated than burn more calories than you eat. This book is complicated so he wrote a more friendly starter book called Ultrasimple Diet. If you want to lose weight, check it out. The ideas and science are good.

    11. This year I will.... by MJ Ryan - I picked up this book in January and have read a chapter a day all year. When I finish the book, I start over at the beginning. I have learned more about change from using this book than all of my studies, research, a Master's degree in Clinical Psych combined. If you'd like to change anything in your life, I'd encourage you to read a chapter a day.

    12. When things fall apart by Pema Chodron - As a therapist, I gave this to clients when their lives fell apart. The book is profound in that it acknowledges that everyone's life falls apart. In the moments and hours of that wreckage, you find your humanity. Most people found relief in knowing that life is supposed to fall apart and come back together again. There are great tools, interesting ideas, but more than anything, comfort in knowing you are not alone.

    13. Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen - I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Remen right after 9/11. She had such wonderful perspective on the glory and beauty of the human spirit. You can find that wisdom and delight in these pages. The book reads like a novel with short stories about life, people and the way of the world. When my heart feels dark, I reach for this book and am warmed by it's light.

    Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


    The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



    Labels: , , ,

  • Written by:
    • | 10:42 AM | 9 comment(s)!