A healthy mind? Hahahahaha
By Christy On Wednesday, June 18, 2008 At 11:26 AM
This evening will be day four of seeing Dr. Schreiber. Last night my visit was the shortest yet and it was mostly due to my not being able to relax. Not much you can do in terms of readjusting people when their muscles are all tight. Bless his heart for trying. Brae and I did the Wii Fit exercises again last night after we got home. It feels good to work out as a "game" because it's not so grueling. Ya know?
There was a slight mob outside on our street last night around 9 p.m. I asked Brian to call the police after it lasted about 15 minutes. I was afraid someone would get hurt and the kids wouldn't get out of the street. Traffic couldn't pass and obscenities were heard loud and clear. Little ears were alert. When Brian called the police claimed they already knew, but as far as I know they never drove by to check it out. *sarcastic shock*
When Brae came home on Sunday night he was oh so cuddly. In all honesty, I know no other feeling so warm and loving as the feeling of a child running up to you and throwing their arms around your neck in a tight embrace.
He had a bruised face and wicked sunburn which his doctor noted on Monday when I took him for a physical. Meh. I was told he fell into a table. I know he is clumsy, it just doesn't look "table-esque" to me. But now on Wednesday I can say he does look better and says he is feeling better. Now if only I could take him with me to work so I can know it for sure. =o)
This brings me to the worst feeling in the world...the feeling of helplessness when it comes to keeping your baby safe. Don't get me wrong, I have and will always do everything within my realm of power to protect my boy. It is when he it outside my realm that I worry. Fortunately, my Mom has a day care and I know he is in good hands when I am at work.
Remember when the whole blog idea first started and we thought it was mostly private? How fantastic it would feel to just pour my heart out entirely...
Friends, let me ask you this, do you believe talking about things makes them better? So often I am told I need to just talk and let it all out. Truthfully, I have done this, I have opened up, but it doesn't heal me. Talking does not remove the poisons for me. I must be doing it wrong, I'm not letting go, I don't know how. And this brings me back to the beginning...I store all the pain and tension, right up in my neck and shoulders.
Dr. Schreiber, poor Dr. Schreiber, what a mess you have on your charts. =o)
This is what I read here. I read that you know that you store pain, emotions and tension. I read that you would like to release them. I also read that you want to control their release just as you want to control Brae's safety.
Lots and lots and lots of people don't ever let go of their experiences or stored emotions due to fear of their release. They take pills for pain. They live full lives and die. Are they happy? Who's to say?
The question is: who do you want to be?
Wiggedty wiggedty wack.
That's all I have to say to that. ;o)
Brae is a piece of you. I can relate. It really is like having a piece of your own heart and soul walking around outside your body. And that means that, eventually, you will no longer have control over that piece. It's positively normal to want to protect that piece... even moreso than you would protect yourself. You've made unspoken promises to this cherished piece of yourself. And you will do anything to keep those promises. "The most dangerous place on earth is between a mother and her child."
I agree 100% with talking through your feelings. Whether it's journaling, "Girl Time" or with a therapist/counselor. Putting them "out there" helps YOU put things into perspective and if you get some feedback in the end - even better. If you're bottling all of it up inside of you - eventually you WILL explode. (TRUST ME!)
Not Barb