Yes, I know, I read this on Oprah's web site, but I liked it and thought I'd share.

Forget everything you've been told. Like: Don't be picky; plan dates with your mate to keep love alive; don't even try to change his annoying habits. Wrong, all wrong.

1. Does my partner feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with me?

2. Does my partner feel accepted?

3. When I feel that life is yanking the rug out from under me, can I go to my partner for nonjudgmental support?

Answering no to even one can signal a fraying relationship.

Uh-oh!

"Reasons and rationalizations abound and rebound. It doesn't matter whether the infractions are big or small. At a certain point, we stop asking why and start asking how. How did it come to this? How much longer can I go on? When there are no hows left, the jig is up.

To be sure, there will be throngs of angry women who will decry me for plunging a stake into the heart of holy matrimony. "My husband is my lifeline," I've heard said (and that's bad news for the aorta). "My husband and I never fight" is another marital chestnut—again, bad news (not to mention a big fat lie), since according to the experts, the strongest relationships are the ones in which people can continually agree to disagree. "My husband is my best friend," others will aver."

Your husband is not your best friend. Your best friend is your best friend. If your husband were your best friend, what would that make your best friend? True that. Carrie is my best friend. Don't know what I would do without her. Seriously.

So I have been search and researching and re-researching to find advice. And some of the content I delve into asks me how I got to that page.

Does thinking about your marriage cause you tension and anxiety?

Are you tired of endless fights, anger and disappointment?

Exhausted by another tired, sleepless night of worry and confusion?

Is there sleeping on the couch and in the spare bedroom?

Are you constantly battling over the smallest issue -- which only led to bigger issues?

Are you both desperately wanting to be accepted and loved, but not feeling it? The more each tried, it seemed the further they moved apart.

Well damn. I'm not the only one. I didn't really think I was, but I also didn't think I'd stumble across so many people who were wondering the same things!

Some advice I have read...

You don't need a whole weekend away or even a regular "date night" to keep the spark alive. Dov and Chana Heller, both Beverly Hills-based marriage therapists and the parents of five, take short walks alone to catch up when they can.

Another option: Pair up to chauffeur the kids to daycare or pick them up from an activity, and use the kid-free portion of the commute or waiting time to chat.

If you can appreciate that the challenging times in your marriage are temporary, you're less likely to feel trapped. Feeling disconnected from your partner while your kids are little is going to happen -- and it doesn't mean that your marriage is on the rocks.

"Instead, see your anger or frustration as a signal that you just need to back up and make a greater effort to connect with each other," says Lindquist.

No matter how hard it may be at times, investing in your marriage now, while your children are young, is vitally important. "One of a child's greatest anxieties is the fear that her parents won't stay together," says Rosemond. "So what is a child's greatest comfort? Knowing that her parents' relationship is as strong as it can be."

So what if you feel like it is the happy times which are temporary?

Maybe the fact that you know you want to save your marriage is your answer. Maybe. Bending and adjusting and supporting and trying to just be there for each other, help each other out. I don't know.

"I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other's gaps."
- Rocky

Rocky knows.

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever
decide to leave, she is coming with me."
- Jon Bon Jovi

Lol. Such a great quote.

Who I was when we met and who I am now. Fundamentally, quite different. But still, I know I want to be loved and treated well. I want to be a partner, a co-manager so to speak. I don't want to be in anymore "family" portraits without my husband.

Labels: married life

Yesterday my boss sent me home because I was in so much pain I was throwing up. So yes, I went to the doctor. I told him, I'm in pain, so much pain I cannot function. Please help me. The bastard gave me new muscle relaxers and told me to go to therapy for my shoulder. He says I'm too tense and all my symptoms are based on that fact.

Though this may be all true, how am I supposed to relax and make myself less tense when I am in so much friggin' pain!?

I have another appointment tonight with someone I haven't seen before. My Dad recommended the practice and they specialize in back and neck pain. Then tomorrow morning I am scheduled to see a dentist. If they tell me it is somehow my jaw or teeth causing this pain I will request they pull them all. I cannot take this consistent awfulness anymore.

But you know what is worse than this mind numbing pain? Finding out the one person who should love you and trust you more than anyone else doesn't. But as this is a public blog, I won't get into any details. I just feel completely lost.

Labels: life, married life, pain

My gracious husband dared me to eat a spoonful of ground cinnamon.

I said okay.

At first he started back tracking and explaining it will really hurt my tongue. But I'm an easy target. I have a competitive spirit and I'm an easy person to dare.

In went the spoonful of cinnamon.

It instantly dried up my entire mouth and throat. Desert like, I'm telling you. I laughed, cinnamon flew out of my mouth, a puff of red smoke. I would not give up. Brian told me to spit it out. Oh no. I was not giving up on this dare. I get to pick anything I want off my amazon wish list if I swallow this spoonful of evilness.

I got up, still not able to breathe and poured a glass of water. There was no feasible way to swallow when I had no moisture at all in my mouth. I took a sip of water and swallowed the evilness.

Meanwhile Brian is laughing, Braeden is clueless as to what is happening and there is cinnamon residue all over the kitchen floor. But I swallowed it, yes I did, I followed through with the dare. No one said I couldn't take a sip of water. It had been 10 minutes and I have not thrown up. I get a wish list item!

Labels: married life

Okay so maybe not exactly full force, but I am back to work today.

I have had some sort of cold/flu/virus something or other all week. I did come into work on Wednesday but probably should not have done that. Yesterday, I made myself sit and rest as much as I could. But the house is such a mess I just want to furiously attack it. Disinfect!

Brian and I have now been married for 7 days, well in about 45 minutes it will be a complete 7 days, haha. For me it has been blissful. Brian says it is weird to hear people call me his wife. I suppose to some extent it is a little bit weird. But I love being his wife and I feel so blessed.

Braeden is doing better sleeping in his room and eating. His Gram and Pop Pop bought him a Gameboy to celebrate him staying in his room through the night. This was quite a task as I had him sleep with me all through his early toddler years. It began because he was so sick all the time, then stayed out of habit. Plus I was in school and the only way I could get homework done was to have him fall asleep in my bedroom as that was where my computer used to be at my parents' house. Next month I will have been out of school for a year and the times have so changed!

I'm part of my own little family now. We have our own home. We are married! I have a new job and so does Brian. Braeden sleeps in his own room. And he even eats fish and perogies now. Last year at this time he was a three-year-old who still ate baby food. Needless to say his digestive system could use a little bit of work but overtime I feel it will develop. He has been healthier and is growing stronger each day. If only we could get rid of that cough.

I'm hopeful that my brother will be moving home soon.

And Thanksgiving is next week. I'm looking forward to spending family time together. We'll begin decorating for Christmas after the thanks and the giving. Brian tells me he has a fantastic Christmas tree so I'm super excited about putting that up with him and Brae. Woohoo!

Life is great!

Labels: brae, brian, christmas, home, married life, thanksgiving