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Going Oprah on you today, with a post about keeping peace in your life.

First of all I recommend removing the toxins. I'm not just talking about your physical toxins which you can flush out of your body, but the toxins in your life which drain you emotionally. I understand it is easier said than done, but it is necessary. There are some people who bring you down and you know it. There's that person who 90% of the time has nothing positive to say, they complain about everything, they suck the energy right out of the room. Those people are not going to change and you need to be the one to remove them from your life. It will help you in ways you never though imaginable.

If you're not sure you need to remove those people toxins then ask them. Be straight forward with them, because we're all different and they might not realize their impact.

"We often figure that other people see the world in the same way we do and overestimate the degree to which they understand our approach and actions. Rather than making assumptions, ask for clarification; even ask about their intention to harm you ('Did you realize when you did that, it affected me in this way?' They might not be aware of it). Be willing to take the first step in opening up such conversation. Also, when we think we'll be rejected, we tend not to smile, we make less eye contact and stand farther away. The other person may perceive these gestures as a brush-off. Go out of your way to say hello. Or smile or make eye contact. We have to take a deep breath and try to recognize that we all feel anxiety. Go in and learn."
— Linda Tropp, PhD, director of the psychology of peace and violence concentration at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst

Next, to show that you're listening, occasionally pause and rephrase the other person's point ('It sounds like this is what you're saying'). Once they're done talking try to make your point ('Here's my perspective; do you see where I'm at on this?').

Most importantly, if open commuincation isn't working then be strong enough to realize you must walk away from this person; even if they are family. You cannot become part of something co-dependent. You will be enabling their toxicity and they will be breaking you down. What good can come from this?

Labels: communication, Emotional, toxic people