Welcome to Philly B movie reviews.
We focus on but are not exclusive to bad horror movies from the 80’s and 90’s mixed with some of my favorite films that I think you should see. This is one of my top bad films of all time.
Best of the Worst
This is a true classic. The bad movie that I thought would never be topped by any bad movie ever! More on that at a later date.
For now off to the adventures of Troll 2. You might be saying what about Troll 1??? Makes absolutely no difference if you saw Troll 1 because it has zero to do with this sequel. I mean nothing. This movie stands at the pinnacle of badness on its own. In fact there aren’t even any trolls in the movie. They call them goblins. Confused yet? Good because the train is coming off the tracks.
To write a review without spoilers to describe the hilarity will be difficult but I’ll do my best.
This is in fact a comedy disguised as horror. It’s PG-13 but you’ll struggle to find much for violence or nudity or anything resembling character building or a decent plot or even adult situations as this seems to be written by me in the fifth grade.
Fear not my fellow viewer because invite some friends over and bring a six or maybe twelve pack. Heck, you might need a case of beer for this and prepare yourself for a good time! Bring the kids if they’re probably 10 or above I would say it’s safe.
The Plot kind of…
Joshua’s family takes a trip to NILBOG–the kingdom of the goblins, (get it? Nilbog is goblin backwards) as Grandpa Seth (who happens to be dead and appears in mirrors and only to Joshua) informs Joshua. It’s up to Josh, with help from his magical time-stopping Grandpa Seth, and a bologna sandwich to save the family from the evil Goblin Queen, who uses everything from magical rocks to an ear of corn to destroy Josh’s family.
If this sounds ridiculous. Don’t worry. It is. It’s as bad as any movie you’ve seen.
Everyone in Nilbog is a vegetarian. Which in itself would seem odd. Then you see their food. Which is all things that are green and they try and convince everyone to eat the green food. Grandpa Seth pauses time to try and get Joshua to keep his family to stop them from eating the food in the house. (You’ll love how he keeps them from eating.). From there the plot if you can call it that slowly builds from there. The extremely low budget goblin (trolls?) outfits look like something your mom made you out of cardboard with a fifteen dollar mask. The scenes go from ridiculous to absurd as you navigate through Nilbog’s residents.
To say this is a bad movie would not be doing it justice. It’s the very pinnacle of so bad it’s fantastic. I kid you not that we had people nearly falling off the couch laughing at scenes in it. The ear of corn seduction scene is among one of the greatest bad movie scenes you’ll see.